It’s Suicide Prevention Month & We Will Explore Overcoming Suicidal Ideation with Dr. Karla Hylton

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0:51 So Fight Man, I'll go before suppli I com Liz ponkas It's number one internet radio station. Here's your host, The Fight Man. Yoh, I'm back from Rock Oklahoma. I can't say I'm in good shape, though I am recuperating and I'm a hurting pop right now. But there's lots for us to talk about about Rockklahoma. There's also lots for us to talk about in the second half of the show, where we're going to have a special guest. Her name is doctor Carla Hilton, and she is a very well educated educator, but more importantly, we're going to talk today. You know you see behind me. September is suicide prevention month. Well that's what we're going to talk about today. We're going to talk about suicide prevention. And there's a lot of things we're going to discuss with doctor Hilton. But first let's bring on the pipe nuts. There they are rebel Medler, the rebel Meddler with the green screen with no virtual background like rebel. Okay, I keep telling you, nobody just has a green screen. Okay, nobody wants to look at some wrinkled green thing behind you. All right, Well you know.

2:17 It's it's progress. It's progress. You didn't like the blue screens, so I got agree one. That doesn't mean I like the green any better. Now look at now, look at Look at Wand's virtual background. He's not an a virtual background. It's almost if it's actually there. Oh oh oh, he actually in our studio with real stuff going on, instead of something that looks like a wrinkled chet. It's not a wrinkle cheat. It is a green screen. Well I know it is. I'm saying what it looks like. And you're missing a little corner there. I can see what you're trying to hide from us, so maybe move your green over a little bit. But yes, as I was saying, I just got back from Rockklahoma, I'm recuperating.

3:10 I don't know if you could hear. But first of all, I had totally lost my voice because I did like eighteen interviews and some gigs and screaming and all that good stuff. So no, I don't do crowdsurfing. Don't trust people that much. But friend of mine did break her ankle crowdsurfing at Rockahoma ten topping. There's a reason. Oh ten topping, Well that may be not ten topping. Well yeah, maybe ten topping too, Okay, but what I am going to say, but I'm starrying to get my voice back now. But I also have festival flu. Can either one of you describe to me what festival flu is?

3:54 Yes, it's it's just the crid that you get from being around all these key. And it's not a pine poles. Was it raining? That has nothing to do with it, But yes, the first day, not the pre party, but the first day it was raining and we got evacuated. Did they spread anything on the ground to absorb the water from the rain. That's not what it is. Festival flew is at every festival, there's a ton of dust that you're breathing in the air and when you're there all day, every day, breathe in especially doing air views, because I'm breathing in talking at the end of it, it's all inside your head and you can't breathe. And I don't mean in your head mentally, I mean physically and literally literally you can sometimes some festivals, like you could cough up like rocks, like low pebbles. It's it's really a trip. But yeah, so my nose is.

5:03 Totally are you doing up pebbles? It's what you breathe. There's seventy five thousand people there running and walking and washing and everything else through dust. Here's the question, Yes, what's worse coughing up pebbles or passing starists? I would say passing definitely is okay. I don't want to do that anymore. I do have one sitting there that could pass at any time. I don't want that to happen. But let me tell you something how it's amazing because some people might look at this show, like we talked about in the beginning of the show, the first half, we're going to do a recap on Rocklaholma on the Pipe Man Radio Tour. In the second half, I said, we have a special, very special guest, doctor Carla Hilton, which if she can hear me, she's backstage right now, and if she wants us to bring her on ahead time and talk about Shenanigans of a music festival, she can nod her head yes. If she just wants to stay in the background and watch that she I know, I know, I know, right, So, but basically there is you know, we talked about it's suicide Prevention month, and we're going to be talking about, uh, suicide prevention and suicide ideation. And the thing is some people will say, well, how you put those two subjects together. Well, first of all, in the music industry, suicidal ideation and suicide itself is rampant. Okay,

6:39 last couple of years ago we lost two major people. We lost uh, we've lost many, many people that you think they're living the dream life. Like you look at them and they're like, man, they are the luckiest person on earth, but then they're not. Okay, and we don't. Know goes on. You know, there's a lot. Look you don't know what's going on in somebody's head either, or what they've been through. Most people don't show all that stuff. They just live with it. And that's why they get to the point they do because they're not talking to anybody except the voice in their head. And as things get darker, we need voices outside of our head.

7:25 That's my opinion, Okay. And so yeah, there was one band that I interviewed this weekend that literally the person that formed the band was suicidal before forming the band, and forming the band changed his life. Music changes people's life and some of the best therapy and multiple of the artists that were at this festival this weekend have had some kind of issues with mental health, suicidal ideation, and it looks like to dream life, but it could be the rough life too that you know, you don't know what somebody else is going through. Okay. And so if you guys listen to my interviews that will be coming out in a couple of days from Oklahoma, you'll hear a lot of this too, and you'll hear about that one band, Rebel. Why don't you tell everybody all the bands that I interviewed at Oklahoma.

8:28 I wasn't there. I don't know all the bands that you interviewed at w Oklahoma. Well you should have. You should have done your research. That's your job is to do your research. So good. But seriously, though, yeah, so I here's who we interviewed, just so you know. Okay, we had the official pre party, didn't even have media credentials yet. I had to like sneak in to do the interview. Okay, but I told old people I snuck in. I'd never sneak in without telling people. Once you're in, you're in. No, But seriously, I interviewed that they have this one stage. It's really cool, and they on the pre port night it was only that stage and basically it's like eighties glam hair metal band type stuff. So like that night Faster Pussycat played.

9:30 Uh you know, oh yeah, yeah, I told some I did not, but I told something. I did hang out with them in the trailer and they were drinking, So I think that's better than the interview just saying no, we weren't. They actually came into the trailer I was in with another band to ask for some alcohol, and the other band was a young newer band that they were so they felt so cool that faster pussy Cat asked them for some alcohol. You know. But you know that backstage shenanigans some of it's there. It's not you know, it's not what people think it is either sometimes, but uh, there are some there were some shenanigans. There's some things we're gonna have to talk about that, the shenanigans at the festival and in the campground. But first of all, okay, so we interviewed Scarlet Rocks on the pre party night.

10:34 So there was a band Eyebolt that played that night. We interviewed them too. But the next day, Okay, and then you're you're gonna be real upset, rebel, You're gonna be real upset. Can you guess who was the headliner of that night? Okay? So there's two reasons you're gonna be upset. One is that you missed it. The second is is that while I talk about the rest of interviews, you're gonna do your job and you're gonna look up who the headliner was that night. So let's see you can guess. Sure, no Slayer, No, not even close with the Slayer, closer with the Motley Crew?

11:25 Is it an eighties band. Yeah. No, it's a lead singer of an eighties band, that's Neil. No, you're not gonna get right because you didn't do your research. Let's let's see if Jan takes a guest, if he gets even closer than you, because I bet he's researching it while we're talking. In the video. No, no, he doesn't do these interviews. I don't know. Slipknot. No, that was the headliner at a whole festival. They're not playing them free Party. Was there a specific day that they played on pre.

12:05 Party night Thursday night? No, but you're getting close. Tom Keefer, that's it. You did it? Ding ding ding. Do you know what band Tom Keefer is from? Rebel? Because if you don't, you are ashamed to all people that say they like eighties medal Cinderella, very good, ding ding ding she won. Oh my god, I'm so shocked. So that was the first night, okay, And then the second day I didn't get to see a lot of sets I wanted to see because I was too busy in media, which happens. That happens quite often. But I did catch some really good shows. But Friday, first day, official day at the festival, like I said, I interviewed Eyeball. I also interviewed Dime Store Riot and then we got there there were there was another band that I interviewed, but then we got evacuated due to weather, and so I was gonna miss my last interview, but she stuck around and we connected after we got back in the festival hours later and did the interview. It was one of the best. It was one of the best interviews we had. That was Eva under Fire. Then Saturday we interviewed Austin Mead, Surge, Bad Wolves, Color of Chaos, Royal Lynn. Sunday we interviewed

13:36 ten Cent Revenge, Giovanni and the Hired Guns nothing more Raven's banquet than Dead who is the son of Clown and Tory from Slipknot and they are that bent and a few other people and that band's badass Any gibbons in and Oxymorons now in Oxymorons spelled it to ours Okay. During the interview, one of them was wearing a shirt their own band shirt that I was like, that's really cool, Like I really dug it, and I was wearing a Rockklahoma shirt. So he came up with the idea in the interview because he could always get another one of his own band shirts, but they couldn't get the Rockklahoma shirt from two years ago that I had. He said during the interview, Okay, let's trade shirts. So we both stood up there in media during the interview and took off our shirts exchanged and that's the shirt we wore for the rest of the day. And then I was hanging out with them later at sets. You know, it was so funny because he was wearing my shirt, I was wearing his shirt. So there it is.

14:51 Did you get to keep his shirt? Yeah, and he kept mine. It was a trade forever. It was a trade forever. So I'll never be able to recapture that Rockklahoma shirt. But I have a cool shirt too, So who's never know. You might meet up again at another in at another festival and you know switch out. That absolutely true. So everybody has to check out the interviews. They'll be on my podcast, on Iheartpandora, Spotify, Amazon Music, Audible, and like over one hundred others. So just check it out. All the interviews from Roklahoma will be there and on Spotify.

15:32 There will even be a playlist for all eighteen interviews. Okay, so do you want to talk about the other shenanigans you do? What would you like to know? How about you guys, interview me about Rockklahoma. Let's do that. Let's do that. Let's interview you with the Rockahoma one. You want to go first? Sure, how many tents did you visit? So let me think one, be honest, two, three, four, five, six, seven, seven one night in total. That was just the first night.

16:16 So that's not counting the second, the third, or the fourth night. No, I lost count at that point. Oh, next question. What for our audience to know? For the listeners to know? What does? What are you talking about when we talk about those tents? We mean, while we're talking about when we talk there. Ten, what happens? What happens in the tent? Stays in the tent? Exactly? No, no, No, it's a campground, Rock Oklahoma. You you've told us before that Ockklahoma is the best camping experience. So what happens? What? I think? What do you mean when you talk about the tents?

16:56 So? Okay, first of all, my old neighbor they have this school bus and they're friends of mine now, but I met them at Rockklahomo A few years ago. Okay, so this is the one festival I do choose to camp at because the campgrounds are just insane, okay, and there isn't a place to get a room for like an hour anyway. So basically, let me tell you what goes on every night, so you go, you know, or here's my day. All day long, from like morning till somewhere between five and seven, I'm doing the interviews. I'm in the press area. After that, I go out and venture into the festival and go watch some music. And at this festival, I go and I stand on stage to watch the bands, and I just want to tell people, by the way, you think it's cool to stand side stage, it is once, but the sound is terrible. The only one thing you hear from there is the drums because everything else is facing out. But you're hanging out with your friends and you know, like stuff like that, so it's kind of cool. So then the headliner plays. The headliner is done. Now you have to go out into the campground and you take a rite, and within a

18:26 couple blocks is the strip club campsite. Now this isn't like your normal strip club thing. Okay, they have lead these contests and karaoke contests on the stage and everybody congregates there. I can tell you there were more guys up on the stage than women. And the guys up on the stage were not let's say, stripper types. Okay, we'll just say that. Okay, so for everyone, that's all I'm going to say. That's right. And so like all the camp almost all the camp sites. In the campgrounds, they have this thing. Okay, our guests might want to close your ears, but where they give away shots for boobs. If you male or female, you show your boobs, you get a shot for free.

19:25 They love giving free alcohol in that campground. And so there's that. And then there's beads. Okay, you're you're from Louisiana. Why are people so obsessed with Marty Grass beads? Okay? Like I don't get it, But listen, you can know a lot about a person at this festival by how many beads they have around their neck. And there's bracelets. Two, there's bracelets too. Every like these type of bracelets. It's every campground. They handle it out to you like I had the whole armful of them. Okay, And we're I'm walking around with other bands, and I'm introducing them to the campgrounds because it's like during the interview, have you gone out to the campground? No? Oh man, well you gotta go out, so well hang out watch the last band, and we'll go out into the campground. And it's a very shocking experience even for them. Okay. So basically, uh, there's a lot of shenanigans and people watching go on.

20:33 Since you know, I rarely ever drink, I'm just people watching the insanity because people are getting super duper drunk, like beyond drunk, okay, and I'm just watching laughing at these people. I will tell you there was the first night, something having to do with golf cart races and doughnuts and people flying off the golf arts in fishtails. That's That's all I'm gonna say about that, except the fact that I held on tight and didn't go off. It's like a flatbed golf cart. So there was that. And then so my old neighbors what they did is they built this and they have this school bus and they built a deck on top of it and they're totally cool.

21:29 Every morning they invite me over for breakfast, you know, and they'll take good care of me. But at night the shenanigans start because this big deck, Like first of all, you could see the headliner band from their deck and here at clear as day, so you don't even have to go on the venue. But there's a big sign on the other side with the name of the bus and what you do to get some beads. So the name of the bus, okay, and our guests might want to keep your ears closed for this one. Are bus boobs and buttholes. That's the name of the bus. I have the wristband. I have the wristband to prove it.

22:19 And everybody stands on top of the bus well. All the festival campers are walking around, they pass by and they come up and they either show their boobs order butthole to get beads. So again, what's the fascination with beads. I'm not ever even showing my hand for a bead, okay, Like I don't get it. Well, there is. A kink for a fascination and involves beads and buttholes, but I think that's a different story. Yeah, that's a totally different story because there's nothing sexual. It's just show your boobs and buttole and walk away. That's it. I never understood that why do people decide to do that.

23:00 The beads might cost Okay, once upon a time they cost four cents, they might cost atholit these days. I don't know what inflation. But really that's what you're worth. Your your self worth is for that one moment in time to expose yourself in public, which is illegal, by the way, in almost everywhere Amsterdam. But I was sorry, but but wait, if it's a private venue with a private event, I don't know if that counts. And let's just say that the police officers are on the campground and I've even seen them come up on top of the bus to watch too. Okay, there for their enjoyment, pleasure exactly. Okay, let me tell you something. It's not all it's cracked up to be, just like fantasies, like some things just remain a fantasy, because this all sounds like some kind of fantasy. But I'm telling you, every single person I saw show their privates are people that probably shouldn't show their privates.

24:09 No wait a minute, no, no, no, no. I can say that I've seen all types of people, from doctors to lawyers, to all type two strippers all showing as stuff during morning. Gra Yeah, well, alcohol and Mary and Marty Gras is the you know, like Sodom and Gomorrah of He's modern world. And so one of our listeners said, not typical mail strippers. Rebel might like that. One knows you, Rebel and your crew that Louisiana is the Sodom and Gomorrah of today.

25:00 High proof of that. There's a lot we can say, but we have to save that for another time. Okay, So I'm gonna say seventy five thousand people were in attendance. Rock Klahoma was so killer. I got ten hours sleep in five days. I got the festival flu. I lost my voice, but it was all worth it. And I actually didn't I didn't get to actually sleep sleep till like Monday night. So I'm still recovering. I'm still recuperating. But we have important things to talk about, because forget those shenanigans and that stuff that's not really that important. Maybe next week we'll even talk more about it, because I also have coming up on the Pipe Man Rated tour. This month is a busy month. Next week we have Punk in the Park in Orlando, then I have Bourbon Beyond. We're giving tickaway and tickets away for I'm not going I'm going to riot Fest, and then Louder than Life, and then the final No Effects show ever in History, and then After Shock, and there is a festival coming up down doing ticket giveaways too at that same venue Oklahoma was at, but it's called Born and Raised. So I think what we need to do. We have our guests coming on here in just a minute, and again for those of you that weren't here from the very beginning,

26:31 we have a very special guest and it's very appropriate since this month is September suicide Prevention month. So we have doctor Carla Hilton with us, and we are going to delve into the deeply personal and transformative theme of overcoming suicidal ideation. And it's explored in her book The Unvarnished Truth Purpose in the Pain. I'm so much a believer in that. That title is so amazing, Uh, you know, So we're gonna talk in depth about that. But before we bring her on, we do still have tickets to give away for Born and Raised, maybe Bourbon Beyond, although I think if any it's just one left. Maybe Louder in life. If so, maybe one left, maybe after shock.

27:28 But let's hear what Born and Raised and Bourbon Beyond are all about. The world's biggest bourbon and music festival. Bourbon and Beyond twenty twenty four A Perfect Glenn to Bourbon, Colin Airy and Music with Zach Bryan, Dave Matthew's Bad. Tyler Shielders, Leil Young. Hey, Louis Hill Zone, My Morning Jacket, Max by Footing, Cody. Jinks married Morris More. September nineteenth, twenty second in Blue Bill Kentucky on sal dow At Bourbon At Beyond, Dyke. Cough Edust, the red Dirt off your boots and get all your rowdy friends together.

28:12 Born and Raised Music Festival is. Back for one hell of a weekend September thirteenth through. Fifteen, twenty twenty four. In Prior, Oklahoma featuring Cody Johnson, You Got. Kid, Hank Williams Junior, My rowdy friends are coming over, co Wetzel, Sun. Midland, em Bang, Dwight Yoakum Good plus the Red Clays, Phrase, Shane Smith and the Saints, Paul Coffin, three d Oak Revival, the Cadillac three and many more passes in camping on sale now at Born and Raised festival dot com starting at ten dollars down. I have no the best camping and rowdiest party the festival for the out law and all of us born and raised.

29:08 Yeeha, that's not my festival. I do to take a giveaways, but I don't think I'm going there, but there is some of them that I like there. But I do want to add too, that Bourbon Beyond commercial that we played didn't have the latest edition, which is Sting is now headlining that festival. But enough about that stuff. Now we go on to the good stuff because we have here are very special guests who I am Not only am I impressed by her educational background, but I am impressed of what she's doing with the world and helping people.

29:50 And you know, we are living in dark times where a lot of people need healing, and this is just the person to help. And so let's welcome show doctor Carla. How are you? I'm good, Thank you so much for having me. Oh my pleasure. And so maybe you could tell the audience a little bit about your background, about yourself and what led you to be here with us today talking about things like suicidal ideation, Okay. Well, I am an educator. I actually have a doctorate in biotechnology, and I have been an educator for perhaps about almost thirty years. However, I've had my own mental health struggles throughout my life from childhood, and I decided to write a memoir because I have been through a whole lot and I want to help persons to overcome some of these struggles that I have been through. I'm actually from Jamaica, so my memoir, The Unvarnished Truth, actually takes the readers through my journey, my life as a Jamaican living in Jamaica, and the struggles I had to overcome.

31:18 Of course, everyone has their own struggles. However, I feel as if I'm in the unique position of having had suicidal thoughts and have actually attempted twice to help persons with their own mental health problems because I have been to many psychologists, psychiatristic and many medications, et cetera, et cetera. But the work was hard and it had to come from within. Yes, basically, that's why I am. I think we all have our stories too. And you know, I will say something here that I probably have never said on the show ever, and Rebel can testify because she's been with me for like twelve years on the show.

32:06 But when I was a teenager, I experienced suicide attempts in my family and that I had to deal with that I was a major part of. And so there's that other side is looking at other people and you know what they're going through, not to mention that most people don't really know what any of us is going through because we don't show them. That's what society teaches us. And so then it feels like we're all alone in the world and we have no support system, you know. And that's self created, of course, but it doesn't matter whether it's self created or not, you know, And it doesn't even matter if it's true or not. It's how you feel that matters in my opinion, you know. I mean, somebody could say, you know, it's all right, blah blah blah blah blah, but if you don't feel that way, it's not all right for sure. And so I'm very thankful for somebody like you that can help others, because it is those of us who have had first hand experiences that our best, you know, we have the best tools to help others because how many people that are in that darkness think that nobody could understand them. So you know, if they know that you do understand, that's

33:36 a whole different story. And you know, let's talk about the music before, and that's so true, like how many people relate to the lyrics of songs and that gets some throw it. There's so many different things that could get you through it. Sometimes we don't know what it is, you know, and sometimes we do need guidance by by somebody like yourself. So what do you think was them that made you to go into this realm specifically to help people have suicidal ideation? Okay? I felt that sharing my story was a necessary evil, so to speak. It was necessary for persons to know that people that appear to be successful, they're educated, they write because I used to write for the newspaper, et cetera, can actually have feelings of despair even though things appear to be going well. Yeah, right on the surface. And I also wrote the book because I'm very committed to raising awareness and to reach out to those who are struggling, because I know that that is very critical to have the the right type of support during the moments of you know, these dark thoughts moving across your mind, Okay,

35:10 And that is also why I went on to write the work book which is called Vanquishing Monsters, and that is to offer practical exercises so that persons can help themselves to work through some of the issues they may be going through. My goal ultimately is to inspire others to hold on, to seek help, and to believe that there are brighter days ahead. Yeah. Perhaps what is the name of that workbook again, Vanquishing Monster. And I got to say that the work book to me is brilliant because and that is part of the work, isn't it. It's like sometimes you have to take these kind of actions, write things down. And I know also like there's a big difference when you have stuff in your head compared to write it down and looking at it after you wrote it down. So I think it's ultra ultra important, and I think it's kind of cathartic to go through a workbook like that to kind of get everything out of you.

36:25 Yes, definitely, And I mean a lot of the techniques perhaps persons already know, perhaps they don't know, but then just having it all in one space one you know, workbook I went through so many aspects of mental health. It's not just suicidal ideation, but things such as abuse, the people, pleasing nature, spirituality as well as parenthood, divorce, marriage, So it's not just focused on ideation. It goes through many topics that affect us that can lead to suicidal ideation.

37:09 Yeah, and you know, the fact is okay. So as an example, you mentioned divorce. Divorce. They've done surveys and divorce is feared more than death. And I've seen people in my life that were the most positive, mentally strong people get destroyed by divorce and it is tough, and it can lead to situations that are very dark and possible, you know, suicidal thoughts and who knows, you know, especially depending on what you're going through. And that's another example too.

37:54 It's like, it's amazing when you get divorced, how many of your neighbors that you saw every every day that had no clue. And that's the same for mental. Health, very very true, and we really need to remove that stigma. We need to have people speaking up, speaking up about how they feel. I mean, emotional health is just as important, if not more important, than physical health. So you know, well and emotional health if it's bad can lead to bad physical health easier than anything else exactly. So now in the times we live in, stress is so high. Stress is one of the biggest killers there is, and stress is also a killer on our mental health as well.

38:41 Yes, I totally agree. I totally agree. And I had many stress related ailments as I was going through my depression. I was diagnosed with autoimmune diseases. And I am now free of autoimmune diseases because my emotional state is in a much better place. Yeah, and it is a proven fact that your emotional state of mind will cause literal physical ailments. It's also other and you take the other side. Okay. So there's this exercise that Tony Robbins would have you do in a seminar where you position yourself a certain way and you look up you and you put a smile on your face and you think of something really dark from your life, and because of the positioning of your body and how you're doing it, that you still have that smile on your face even thinking about those dark things.

39:47 Yes, yep. So you know, we really need to get spread the word suicidal ideation. It's more common than we believe. You know, so many persons since I've written the book have told me that they have experienced similar thoughts. They've called me, strangers, called me wanting to hear more about how I dealt with some of the trauma that I experienced. Well, I want to hear more, which means listeners want to hear more. So let's hear more about your story, because that's what people relate to somebody else's story.

40:27 Well, that is true. Well, my story is long and very traumatic, but I will I will give you a few themes from the book, so to speak. Because of suicidal ideation we are speaking about mainly today, I would mention that I've had two suicide attempts. Ah, thank god you're still here. Thank you so much. Yet that I'm happy to be here because I think I will make a difference and help persons. I I grew up, as I said, in a small community in Jamaica. I got married at a very young age of twenty two. During my childhood, I did experience a number of traumatic events, including a home invasion, and so growing up, you know, my ethnicity is Indian East Indian, and I grew up with parents that were very you know, very strict, so to speak. And you know, my dad wanted all his children to succeed academically and do well, so it was all about book work, so to speak. So there was a lot of pressure to be perfect, so to speak. And I grew up thinking I was not adequate enough. And I tried to please

41:58 my parents, and when I went into marriage, tried to please my husband. When I had children, tried to please my children. So it was all about people pleasing. And I suffered from low self esteem. And again many people don't believe that because they'll say, but you are this, you're that, whatever, How could you think so lowly of yourself? And I did, no matter what person said to me, I still, you know, did not feel that I was good enough. And so I've always struggled with the thoughts of why am I here? What is the point of being here? You know, because of obviously, when you have such high standards, you will never you know, reach that pinnacle.

42:49 You will always think there is something else to achieve, and you're not good enough because none of us are perfect. Right I ask you question now, say that you're always striving. People should set goals to always strive to things. But the problem is they they should never feel not enough or inadequate. It's good to have goals, it's good to reach for things. But I definitely agree when it's feeling inadequate, they need to look back and see where they came from. And when you start looking back and see where you came from, you'll understand that you are enough because look how far you've come. If anybody's thinking that they're not enough, please just look back and look where you are now and know that you've made it to the point you're at and you need to keep moving forward.

43:42 I completely agree, but at the time I was not of that frame of mind, and exact in the World book, I even talk about setting goals, so it's okay to set goal, it's okay if you fall short. But at the time, my mindset was that, you know, you need to achieve more, or you need to do more. You need to be a better mom, a better wife, a better whatever it might be. You know. So my you know, I will probably speak about my second suicide attempt, which was the most dangerous, so to speak. I was in the ICU for a while, and that happened after my separation. I separated from my now ex husband when both my children were adults, young adults, right. However, one unexpected outcome was that both children decided to estrange themselves from me, and it was just something that I could not deal with. The second suicide attempt was well planned, it was supposed to work. I decided in my mind, these were the thoughts going through that I have. I cannot force them to speak to me, right, I don't have that power, but I do have the power to

45:14 be here or not be here. And so yes, that was my thinking of flaud As. It was right, and so I made the very conscious decision that you know, I've had the date planned out, the time, everything, that this was what I was gonna do, This is how I was gonna do it, et cetera. It failed. Well, I'm here at living proof, and it's also very amazing that it failed because it should have succeeded. I used my scientific knowledge and I thought everything was gonna work, but it did not. And but I'm grateful. I am sure that there was a higher power that pulled me out of that coma.

46:01 You know, of course, no doubt about it. And you know, unfortunately with this whole scenario that kids are more suicidal than ever from what I've seen and we actually know here at the network because we used to have a whole thing of kind of like the Breakfast Club. We had a bunch of teenagers that would never be together in school that we're all doing radio shows, and we had them talking about all the hard topics that teens have, and you know, we had a connection with two one one and Department of Safe Schools and a big part of what they talked about with suicidal ideation and how they could get help. And we actually there was somebody, you remember, Rebel, There was somebody that was in a chat room for one of the shows and literally because of the show, we got them help to go to two one one and actually get some help, whereas this teenager probably never would have. And you know, and the teenage the reason it's so important to have people like you right now, the same teenagers if they make it through teenage world when they become adults, it's it doesn't necessarily go away unless they have the right help. So they need people like you that you know, especially the fact that you had the experiences you did, because and they can relate to you and they're more open to listening and knowing that you did it, you know, So

47:33 then they're open to listening. They're not gonna listen to somebody that just says, hey, it's okay, you'll be fine, you know, and that's what you and I grew up in. It's okay, you'll be fine, or stop making a big deal, or like there's a myriad of other statements made by your parents, your teachers, any authority figure back in our day that does not necessarily helped. And that's why I think there's a lot of mental anguish today is because a lot of people from our generation had things bottled up and then it comes out later in life because you have to deal with it at some point in time.

48:15 So how do our listeners or anybody for that matter, connect with you on socials, on the web and more that you can help them as well, and also to get your books and all that good stuff. Okay, well I would I would direct them to my website, which is www dot k Hilton. Hilton is spelled h y l t o n dot com. Lots of information there, as well as free resources for those who might be feeling suicidal or have other issues. The books are available on Amazon as well as Barnes Unknoble, and there is a contact form on my website, so I am very happy to speak to anybody we're feeling suicidal.

49:15 Well, that's amazing, and what you're doing is amazing. We're going to have to have you talk a lot more because certainly in one interview you can't cover the whole realm, and certainly there's you know, a lot of different aspects of this discussion that we haven't even touched on today. If you were to leave our audience with one final bit of advice or information or whatever in that realm, what would it be? Okay? I think my ultimate message is one of empowerment.

49:55 I want listeners to know that no matter how dark than that, there is always a dawn. And I know you can't really see that right away what there is. You have to believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I want listeners to move towards a brighter, more fulfilling future. It's there for. Everyone, It absolutely is, and yes, and it's also usually darkest before the dawn. So that's where the hope is. You know, if you think you're in the darkest place of your life, there is hope that it's darkest before the dawn, and hopefully you know you can really see that experience it, or you have somebody like doctor Carla Hilton that can help you through it from her own life experiences. So I want to thank you very much for all you do to help people out there in the world, and thank you for being on the Adventures of Payment.

51:00 Thank you so much for helping me with a pleasure. Pleasure is all ours. And so you know what one, I'm just gonna say, everybody needs to tune in next week and every week Wednesday, one pm Eastern Time to the Adventures of Pipe Man. Make sure you go to anywhere you listen to podcasts iHeart, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon, Audible or over one hundred other places. And if you missed am part of this show, you'll be able to hear this show again and you can look up my interviews from Oklahoma and more. So stay tuned. We'll be back with you live next week. Roll it one.

51:49 Thank you for listening to the Adventures of Pipe Man. I'm w for CUI Radio.