Feb. 16, 2026

Woof I Cant See Through My Pets Eyes

The Pet Health Guru is back and Woof I can’t see!. Look through your pet’s eyes with Bill. https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-adventures-of-pipeman--941822/support for PERKS, BONUS Content & FREE GIVEWAYS! Take some zany and serious journeys...

Show Notes
Transcript

The Pet Health Guru is back and Woof I can’t see!. Look through your pet’s eyes with Bill.

Click Here to Subscribe to The Adventures of Pipeman for PERKS, BONUS Content & FREE GIVEWAYS!

Take some zany and serious journeys with The Pipeman aka Dean K. Piper, CST on The Adventures of Pipeman also known as Pipeman Radio syndicated globally “Where Who Knows And Anything Goes.”

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WEBVTT

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Hi, you live, doen to censure.

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W for wow for you your.

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Yo.

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It's positively pintemn. It's Monday. It's the Adventures of Pinte

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Man W four Cy Radio right here at W four

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cy dot com. And it's President's Day. Now, before I

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talk about President's Day, I think I need my expert

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guest and my engineer on the show with me. So

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come on down studio Nut and pet health guru.

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How are we doing today?

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Oh listen, it's President's Day. We get to listen. And

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that's why Rebel's not here today. By the way, she

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because she in Louisiana. She thought this is where you

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celebrate all the presents of the Elks lodges in Louisiana.

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And she thinks it's an official day off. Because what

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does Presence Day anyway? I mean, like, are we celebrating

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all presents? Do we celebrate President Noriega? How about the

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President of Valence? Have Val? I was about to say

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Valen's wella, I don't know where that came from, but

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as well, yeah, so like what presents? It's not very specific,

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but it used to be specific, like this is where

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I think we could make America great again. Go back

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to where kids were able to have two days off

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of school because you were celebrating George Washington's birthday one

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week and the following week you're celebrating Lincoln's birthday. Except

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that's it the other way around. No, it wasn't. That

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was right. It was George first, Abraham second. And how

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come their birthdays are only on Monday. My birthday isn't

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only on Mondays. I would have a three day weekend

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all the time on my birthday. That's not fair. How

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that happen?

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That's you know, you're right? And why don't we celebrate

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all the presidents on each of their days? We can

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have that, you know, almost a year off of Mondays.

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So this is what I'm gonna do. Okay, we're not

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ready to put our bid in again for President pipe Man,

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but not. Part of my platform for twenty twenty eight

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is that we make President's Day for all presidents and

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we get every day of the whole year off. That's

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that's my platform, paid paid every No concept, Well, it's

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the benefit of AI. Come on, we have the AI wise,

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why do we have to work? Just pay us?

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That's right.

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What do you think? Wait?

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I think everyone would vote on that.

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See, I have the most brilliant platforms that everybody would

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vote on because listen, running for president just means tell

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everybody what they want to hear and not knowing that

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you can't get any of it done. H But but

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you can chop down a cherry tree. Yeah, you can

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chop down a cherry tree on President's Day. I wonder

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if that's a rule. Can you or can't you chop

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down a cherry tree?

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Wonder if if it's legal to chop down cherry trees now,

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because I know a lot of other trees you can't, uh,

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there be illegal And of course what you know, depending

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what cities they country you're in, it could be you

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can only do certain age trees, certain colored trees, or

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you know.

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So we have that's pretty racist color, that's pretty racist.

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You can only kill certain trees? Okay?

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Like you know what I think in some areas like

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black walnuts are protected. Of course, cherry trees are protected,

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and redwoods are protected.

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What I want to know is our oysters Rockefeller protected? Jeez?

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Do you know what that is? One?

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You mean the families or.

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No oysters Rockefeller? Do you know what that is?

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No?

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They they don't teach the younger generation anything these days.

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Bill, No, I know, I know.

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We'll let him. We'll let him figure it out.

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Yes, he's googling it right now.

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He totally is it. I think it's your type one.

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I'm just saying, did you find it? It's big in

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Texas or Texan?

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If it's not a steak I don't think it's big

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in Texas.

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Have you been to that steakhouse by the way one.

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I have?

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Did you eat the whole sneak?

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Which one?

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Look, he's still googling ship.

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You can totally have our pictures of oysters? Is that

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what they're And there's like given a recipe for smoked

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oyster Rockefeller.

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Yeah, isn't Isn't that the one that are bull bulls?

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No? It actually looks good.

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Which is the one that are bull bull and balls

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are in Texas? Is that it? Let's see boom and

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I'll look it up. Oh, No, you know what I

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was wrong. It's rock I meant to say Rocky Mountain oysters.

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Do you know what Rocky Mountain oysters are? One?

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Those are the bull balls.

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They are the bull ball, not blue balls, but.

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Bull balls chopped then fry.

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So what what is wrong with you Texans anyway that

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you eat bull's balls, like, I don't get it.

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I would say it's for fertility, but I blind to you.

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So I just have to say you're eating bull balls

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because you're from Texas. And then you're eating what uh

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what is it? The aunt larvae or whatever? Tacos two?

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Everything is bigger in Texas. Okay, I don't know about

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that big balls.

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I think A C. D C probably ate those while

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they were in Texas. Do you get that one? One?

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We're we're doing the generational show right now? Or or

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how about or how about the band accept? You know

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the band accept? They have as. They had a very

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popular song called big Balls. It's right up your alley?

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Why is they gonna be in my alley?

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Because you're from Texas. Louisia isn't here, So I have

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to make fun of Texas right.

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Anyway, although he wouldn't be as funny.

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How how do dogs bark in Texas? Can you give

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us a demonstration? Do they go like wolf?

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They don't because they are frights that get shot?

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Why why do dogs get shot in Texas?

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Everybody gets shout in Texas?

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Oh my god? Yeah, no, I stay away from that state. Man,

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everybody has a gun in Texas, Okay, But woof, I

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can't see through my pet's eyes, like I have such

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a visual there. It's a visual of me as a

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kid in the seventies with the shag do and the

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hair was in my eyes. And I don't know what's

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it really all about, pet health Guru.

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Well, basically, you know, we look at us through our

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eyes and what they want, how they act, how we

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want them to be trained, everything else, and we never

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asked them. We never really ask them if the food

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is decent. Most of the time, it's like, you know,

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I just throw down some kibble and you know that

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they'll be fine. Look if they eat it, they're still alive,

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so it must be what they want. We're not looking

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at it, you know, in their perspective. Basically. You know,

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one of the things I got in a conversation with

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somebody last week, and you know those are colorblind, So

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why do they make dog food with multi colored kibble?

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Like you know, I'm only going to pick out the

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green ones or the you know, orange ones, or the

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brown ones or black ones. I mean, why why do

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they do this? You know, we're not even thinking about them.

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Why are we giving them dry cereal every day? I mean,

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you know, of course the younger generation is more used

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to cereal. But when cereal first came out, and you know,

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we were fitted as a kid, you had to slather

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it with milk or juices, a lot of sugar, a

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lot of fruit because it tasted like garbage.

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And kind of like the cereal. If I'm gonna eat cereal,

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I would have to eat now it tastes like cardboard. Okay,

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give me some count chocula, but that that crap's terrible

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for you. Like, so if you ask me, like you

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know what too, and somebody as a human that eats

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very specific for health reasons. You know, you go out

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with people, they think you want be this pain in

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the ass because you can speak up, unlike your pet

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like or that. You know, they just assume because you

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eat this stuff that you like it, okay, And I

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think that's what ky you're saying, is like you're giving

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these pets stuff and they can't speak to you, so

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they can't tell you they don't like it, and they

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can't tell you that it's not good for them either.

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Yeah, I mean that's a big part of it because

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and it's not just food. I mean you stop and think, oh,

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the dog's got a little bit of an odor and

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so I take my can of deodorizer and spray the

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carpet where they're living. With toxic chemicals, we do those

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plug in stupid things. They're right at their nose level

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again with toxic chemicals, you know. And of course the

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non backside of it, we go to the veterinarian and

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you know, way is it that when you pull up

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in the vets you know parking lot, you have to

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wrestle your dog to get them in the door, you know,

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whereas when they pull up in my parking lot, you know,

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at my palaeo pat where they have good things there,

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the dogs are excited to come in. You know. We

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have to visualize what they're seeing and what they're knowing

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and what they're smelling, and you know, then relate that

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to their behaviors.

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Well, there's a reason why if they have a whole

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bowl of dog food, they'll eat it. But if you're

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eating a steak while they're eating a whole bowl of

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dog food, they'll wait till you throw a crap on

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the ground to eat that.

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Yeah, they're praying something hits the floor and wait they

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have that, you know, And why do we put the

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dog that dry kibble down all day long? Because they

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won't eat a meal. They go, oh my god, I'm dying.

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Let me go and have one or two pieces just

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to get something in my poor stomach, which is like

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aching at this point in time, and then walk away

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and wait for something to hit the floor. Didn't. Okay,

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I believe you. One or two more pieces, and that's

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their life. I mean, that's what they're seeing.

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You know. It. It reminds me of today before coming

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to do this episode, and I made myself lunch and

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I had to force myself to eat it because I

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didn't like it at all. It was healthy, but also

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it's the healthy and it's the fact of like, uh,

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you know, I've been homeless, so I don't ever waste

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food ever, and so like, I can totally relate to

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what you're talking about with these pets because they're just

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like I don't really want to, but I have to

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eat this.

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You know. And you know, not to leave any pets out,

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but I mean when we look at the cat the

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feline population as well, Okay, we want them to go

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potty in a kitty litter tray in kitty litter? What's

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in the kitty litter? Why? Why are they walking over

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the box and peeing on the floor? You know, again,

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the same smells, the same visuals. It's not there. It's

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not what they would do naturally. We're asking them to

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do a whole bunch of unnatural things. You know, you

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walk your dog, he can spot the neighbor three blocks

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away that come out in his yard. You can do

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they can see it. You're going like, what the hell

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are you looking at?

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You?

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They know exactly what's going on in many cases, or

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we're oblivious.

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Yeah, and why is it? Say that again?

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Yeah? Yeah, And here we are on President's Day and

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we don't even know what we're celebrated. We are oblivious,

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aren't we?

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Oh my god? Like, I guarantee if we called one

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hundred people right now, none of them will know why

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it's President Day and why it became President's Day. Because

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became President's Day. It wasn't always President's Day. It was

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George Washington's birthday, and it was Abraham Lincoln's birthday. But

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they're like, we don't need the kids at school this much,

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we need this, We need that. Let's just combine them

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into one day. Make it easy, play it on Monday,

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so people have three day weekends. That's really what happened, right,

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That's what you missed one, That's what your generation missed

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going through that.

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I had a couple of people this weekend asked me,

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are you working on Monday? Like, yeah, it's President's Day.

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So that's what I heard. That's what I heard this

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weekend is those with some people and it's like, okay,

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so you got a three day weekend. And one of

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them happened to be a teacher. It's like, no, they

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scheduled a special teacher conference in service day on your

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day off.

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Yeah, it's like that's what they do. And like, listen,

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you're in retail. I used to be in retail for

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ten years and then more sprinkled throughout the years helping

247
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my dad. And holidays are the worst when when you

248
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work in retail, because those are the days you definitely

249
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have to work. Like you go to work for a

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retail company, they tell you straight out, man, like you

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don't have a choice. You're working period or you or

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you're fired, Like you work Christmas, you work Thanksgiving if

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they're open you know, you know, you work black Friday.

254
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You don't have that choice. No, see see you don't

255
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know how good you have it there one exactly.

256
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Oh, but it's it's true. And I mean, you know,

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our our dogs don't care about time that you know,

258
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the hymn conception. And I know my own dogs. Okay,

259
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when I go to work in the morning, you know

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she's laying there in her bed and that's okay, I'm

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going to work. Okay, fine, dad. I can walk out

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the door, come back eight hours later she's happy to

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see me. I can also walk out that door and go,

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oh crap, I forgot that paperwork in my desk, open

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the door and she comes to greached me the same way.

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It's like no conception of time. But we think that

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they have that conception of time that you know that's like, ah,

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let's see, i've been I've been here for six hours.

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I gotta go pee, and I know that they're going

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to be on time. Eight hours later, they get their

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legs crossed and it's left.

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You know, just like we don't, just like kids feel

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like on a road trip with their parents.

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Yeah, yeah, our bladder is a lot bigger than theirs.

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Well, I just have to see. I have a very

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important question. Okay, so are you telling me that all

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these people that like celebrate their dog's birthday and like

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put a party had on them and bake them whatever,

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that the dogs are like clueless or like what the

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hell is going on here?

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Or or the catch haven't you seen these dogs? They

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stand by the calendar and they circle all the day

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and you know, little notes around. Okay, I want this

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treat and that treat, and actually, can you give me

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a stake for a change, because that's what I really need.

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It's you know, I mean they pick up on our energy, yeah,

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which isn't always good energy unfortunately.

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You know.

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It's like but that's basically where they're coming from, and

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we're not picking up their energy. So it's it's kind

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of you know, it's very very one sided. And you know,

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and people get upset when their dogs don't. You know, Hey,

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I'm putting on a birthday party for me and you're

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over there sleeping. You don't care. In fact, you're actually

295
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hiding because there's all these crazy kids and these things

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going on.

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I just want to be alone, right, just leave me alone.

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So what about your guppy one? That's your guppy, guy

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sayed when you get home from the studio.

300
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Oh, absolutely, yeah, they're practically jumping out of the water.

301
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Well, you better be careful because they could get hurt

302
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doing that.

303
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And I've had a couple actually jump out the outside. Really,

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I came home one time found one on the floor.

305
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Well, did you leave food on the floor?

306
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I did not, So I do have a question.

307
00:18:45.799 --> 00:18:48.519
I do have a question, Bill. Okay, you get a fish,

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like a goldfish, and they give you this little canister

309
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of like these flakes. Is that really what a goldfish

310
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would eat in the wild.

311
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If it was next to the flake plants? Maybe, But no,

312
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that's nothing. I mean, that's the same variation as kibble.

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And you know, we give it not only to our

314
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dogs and our cats, but we give it to our hamsters,

315
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we give it to our you know, guinea pigs or rabbits,

316
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and actually we give it to most livestock as well.

317
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Everything's preprocessed, not necessarily healthy, not as far from a

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species appropriate diet as we can find.

319
00:19:31.759 --> 00:19:35.519
Now, you just brought up something for me that I

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00:19:35.640 --> 00:19:40.400
just thought about. Every single pet you could possibly have,

321
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their food has the same crunchiness and color.

322
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That's weird anything anything that you have to buy food

323
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pellets for It looks the same way going in that

324
00:19:54.160 --> 00:19:56.039
he does coming out.

325
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Yeah, it's a processed I mean that's the problem with

326
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Yeah you know it again, we don't. We're putting it

327
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through our eyes. Well, how was that convenience? And then

328
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they tried to disguise it as complete and balance. We

329
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need these nutrients, you know, pipe man, you you know

330
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you've had some health issues over the years, and I'm

331
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sure that you know exactly what mineral and what vitamin

332
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that you need to take it what time of the

333
00:20:29.759 --> 00:20:32.720
day so that you never have this stuff happen again.

334
00:20:33.759 --> 00:20:40.480
Yeah, you know, Yeah, I just saw an article about

335
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that dark chocolate's good for diabetes. So now I'm I'm

336
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cool with just eating dark chocolate for the rest of

337
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my life. Then I'll be happy. If you've fed me

338
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chocolate for the rest of my life, I'd be happy. So,

339
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you know, but we're not feeding chocolate, we're feeding like tasteless.

340
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How well would you recommend? Yeah, cheapest agreeients, what.

341
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Cheapest ingredients that they can possibly do for maximum profits,

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and they have to juice it up with all kinds

343
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of artificial flavors, which I find it interesting that artificial

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flavors is labeled as natural flavoring. I guess, yeah, miss

345
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connect these things. I don't know, you.

346
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Know, hmmm, because I think it's just like a marketing

347
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thing because it's artificial, but it tastes like something made

348
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out of nature, so they call the flavoring, you know.

349
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You know, natural flavoring. You know, that was the whole

350
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thing that the food industry did when they outlawed MSG,

351
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so they could still put MSG in your food. It's

352
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not called MSG anymore. It's called NAT true flavoring.

353
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I heard. I don't know how true this is, but

354
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I heard that there was some type of outlaw that

355
00:22:07.000 --> 00:22:10.039
restaurants couldn't use beef tallow on the to fry their

356
00:22:10.039 --> 00:22:13.799
fries with. So then they switched.

357
00:22:13.839 --> 00:22:17.279
Well, that was brought about. That was brought about by

358
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the corn industry, the corn farmers. The government subsidize the

359
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corn farmers so they could subsidize John Deere with the big,

360
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big equipment. And so therefore we had to make the

361
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natural animal fats demonized and substitute seed oils, which are

362
00:22:39.799 --> 00:22:44.960
basically industrial lubricants, into our diet. And of course the

363
00:22:44.960 --> 00:22:48.799
pharmaceutical companies were behind that because now we have a

364
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bunch of sick people with diabetes, obesity, dementia, all these things.

365
00:22:54.319 --> 00:22:57.599
When you start tracking all these diseases against the chart

366
00:22:57.640 --> 00:23:01.839
of when corn syrup and corn oil and soybean oil

367
00:23:01.880 --> 00:23:05.200
and all the seed oils came in, those charts are identical,

368
00:23:06.039 --> 00:23:07.559
but there's no correlation.

369
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Of course not. And I just have to say to

370
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I just have to say too. I was like thinking

371
00:23:16.119 --> 00:23:18.240
in the beginning to show, I'm like, you know what,

372
00:23:18.279 --> 00:23:22.119
we should just keep the adult disclaimer for the Wednesday show.

373
00:23:22.519 --> 00:23:25.559
But then you talked about these large lubricants, and I

374
00:23:25.680 --> 00:23:32.400
realized we need to keep that adult disclaimer on just saying.

375
00:23:31.599 --> 00:23:35.720
Yeah, hey, I heard something when I was when I

376
00:23:35.759 --> 00:23:39.480
was coming into the studio today, it's like all this

377
00:23:39.519 --> 00:23:43.240
stuff is well control. You know, they control everything. You know,

378
00:23:43.279 --> 00:23:46.400
a number of plants, a number of trees and things

379
00:23:46.440 --> 00:23:52.759
that have been manipulated. That was the statement last week

380
00:23:52.880 --> 00:23:55.839
out of the government, is that we're getting rid of

381
00:23:55.920 --> 00:24:00.400
all these regulations, especially like you know in design and

382
00:24:00.400 --> 00:24:02.640
stuff like that, that we haven't. That's why all the

383
00:24:02.680 --> 00:24:06.160
cars today looked the same because the requirements that the

384
00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:09.319
government put on it. You can't have an individual car,

385
00:24:09.480 --> 00:24:12.079
God help you if you can. You see you can

386
00:24:12.119 --> 00:24:20.240
you see souping up a twenty twenty six Tesla. Right,

387
00:24:20.519 --> 00:24:23.119
I'm like what we did with a with a good

388
00:24:23.319 --> 00:24:26.039
you know, a good Chevy or a good Pontiac.

389
00:24:25.680 --> 00:24:30.839
Or my high start. My high school had a mechanics

390
00:24:30.960 --> 00:24:34.079
garage and you were able to bring your car there

391
00:24:34.240 --> 00:24:36.960
and work on it as a student, and you could

392
00:24:36.960 --> 00:24:41.920
take also auto mechanics class. What a concept. Now, Like

393
00:24:41.960 --> 00:24:44.519
you open the hood, you can't if you can find

394
00:24:44.559 --> 00:24:48.839
a dipstick, you're lucky. Okay Sometimes that like I've driven

395
00:24:48.920 --> 00:24:54.880
BMW's and you can't find the freaking dipstick. It's ridiculous, Okay,

396
00:24:56.279 --> 00:24:59.880