Faking an Orgasm While Eating Watermelon on The Planet of the Apes

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0:50 It's time for the adventures. So fight Man, I'll tell before see why I'm com list pomp Beach's number one Internet radio station. Here's your host, the Fight Many. Oh. Here, I am in dreary, rainy, stormy South Florida. Just got back from LA where they have June gloom, so like I'm following the gloom everywhere and in that What an idiot the pipe man is because I scheduled the show for four o'clock today because I was in LA and I was on LA time, So that's why we have a little delay. Folks. If you were waiting, we were delayed because the pipe man fucked up. Okay, but it won't be the first, won't be the last. Here we are the Adventures of Pipe Man on W four c Y Radio, and I am here with my pipe nuts and what exciting show we have. So let's bring them aboard and talk about what's going to happen. Hello there, yo, pipe nuts. Let's talk well. First, first, Rebel, Yes, you won't do your hair before the show? What how come you don't do your hair before the show? Like you just come.

2:10 But you don't even have hairshut? Were you with headphones? Well listen, I mean, were you faking an orgasm before the show? And that's and you didn't brush your hair? Yes, you caught me, so I gotta I gotta say something, Rebel. Yes, never mind, we'll save it for later. How about that? Okay? I want to know. Is the sheet behind you that's your background? Is that the same sheet you faked your orgasm?

2:55 Man, it's a blue screen. It's not a sheet, and. You never saw a blue screen that had like curves and wrinkles. In the problem is it's too big and I just stretching to it's larger than it needs to be. But if you pulled it behind itself. It doesn't give the right lighting. So I just need a different one. I have another. I have a green one on order. I actually have a green screen just like this, but it too is too big. I just want to say something though, Rebel, and then we're going to move on. But the whole purpose of a green or blue screen is to have a virtual background behind you, not to see the actual screen. It's really freaking boring. Okay, sorry, but.

3:48 It's the lighting too. I had the lighting equipment on orders. And then your lips keep disappearing into the background. So my background is because there was a major announcement and we're going to talk about that in a minute, But first I want to talk about last week's show. We touched on faking orgasms. We also touched on how watermelon was related to that, and we also touched on the planet of the apes, and we said we were going to expand on all of those. So, of course, don't tell Rachel because she missed last week's show, So don't tell her what it's about. Okay, don't fill her in, just just let her go. Let her go rogue, because when she goes rogue, it was kind of fun. I don't know if it's great to use, but it's fun.

4:43 It's great tell them what I thought it was you Well, okay, so show us what see. I will purposely tell all my co host things, either at the last minute or not at all. Why Because I'd rather have a real show, like that's something scripted. I want to see what human beings really are like. And Rachel every week she gives me so much insight of who she really is. Okay, so I want Rachel also to tell her side of the story because it must be frustrating as fun when you miss a show and then you see this title of a show that says faking an orgasm, well eat or watermelon on the Planet of the Apes and go, now, what the hell am I supposed to that?

5:40 I actually asked my my, my, my ghostwriter, so who you know was very clever, and he was like, oh, I get it. No, no, no, he's stuck a sting don in the watermelon and he couldn't reach. An orgasm, so he faked it because he felt sorry for it. Later and I guess he was watching Planet of the Apes. But don't go into that because it could, like, you know, get a little race. I was like, okay, okay, so we know you didn't do your preparation. And look at last week's show. I want to see if Wan did his preparation because he was he had homework to watch The Kingdom of the Planet The Apes, the new movie before this show. So Wan, tell us how your week went with that.

6:27 I was supposed to watch that. Yeah, Hey, wasn't it his idea rebel though? Remember remember yet, see you can't ever you can't ever trust the engineers many. Well, the thing is it's own theaters. So yeah, I don't have time to know. You said I was supposed to go watch it, but you didn't give you enough time to go watch it. I've been working all all day every day. Yeah, so difficult, and blame me. It's a boss's fault, right it. Were you faking orgasms during the past week one?

7:09 I was, yeah, I'll tell you all about it in the Only Fans. Okay, cool, show everybody the QR code for the only fans there, It is QR code that thing, and you'll see you'll see content on the Pipeman only fans from everybody except Rachel. She hasn't posted on there in like five months. I don't know how to do it. It's it's so complicated, complicated. You just upload your freaking picture. What's wrong with you? I don't get anything out of that? Why am I doing that? I was the only one that was putting anything on there?

7:52 Uh wait, wait wait wait is it doing anything? Rebel puts that. Well, it's not gonna grow it, put anything on it? Eat, there's more. Tell us about your tell us about your pictures, Rebel. Why should I come to the pipe man only fans like I'm coming there to see Rachel spread her legs and then next thing spread my legs. Tell people that and they're gonna go over there looking for it. Okay, can you replay every one of our episodes so far in the spot where Rachel spreads her legs?

8:35 I can make a compilation every ship, but he might be more than an hour long. Speaking of Rachel spraining her legs, let's run that. Let's run that trailer for playing the apes? Right here? He goes, son, your father? He waits much to what's to teach? There are dangers beyond our village.

9:30 How's your father?

10:12 My family? I will find them, I will bring them, Oh, Joseph, vibe. Remember your strength, your compassion, your mercy. Why do they hunt her? She knows the human secrets. I have a name, Nay, I know where they're taking your plan new yours or human for foreign? Great? This was a human place.

11:07 It is not yours, isn't it? The founders did not tell us everything about this world. You've been for your king. Never get tickets now. Well that's taking about five minutes. No, right, It is one of my favorite favorite movies. However, that was a cough cough, But whither people say bless you when people call? That's why I want to know.

11:58 Who doesn't want a blessing? Yeah? See yours where everything all pulls together? Okay, So that part where he falls and gets up he goes ugh, that was his last fake orgasm before his family left him. Okay, And so now the other thing is too is we're gonna talk what we talked about last week. What we're going to talk about is people don't really know the meaning of that movie. And as you saw in there, what what does it talk about? It talks about Peep and the elders, kind of like how they describe our presence because they're beyond elders. And and and so this is why pipe Man needs to run for pres because the elders are not telling us the truth at all.

12:56 Maybe it's good for us, maybe it's not. Okay. And then we have one who's convicted of thirty four felonies. And then we have another one whose son see there talking about the son in the movie, who is just convicted of felonies. Why I think the apes need to take over really because humans are a bunch of idiots. Okay, I can't believe in my lifetime I have to sit here and decide whether I vote for one convicted felon or other of a convicted felon, and those are my choices. So just vote for pipe Man, who will make sure his whole family are felons. And how don't solve everything so that we talked about last week too, I think, Rachel, that you miss.

13:48 So. And then there was when Harry met Sally. And that's one of my grandparents' names, by the way, And I can tell you right now firsthand, there's no way in hell my grandmother had an orgast the mother okay, so uh, it just didn't happen. And funny enough, funny enough, she is very relative of today and what we experienced today, because she always used to get mad at me if I said she she goes, you don't refer to people by a pronoun, refer to them by their proper name. And what will we do in twenty twenty four? Don't call me by my name, you must call me by my pronoun.

14:33 That's ridiculous. Yeah, yeah, because like you know, and I've seen it happen, like in a gas station where like a random stranger talks to another stranger and he's like, oh, that's not my pronoun. Well how is the stranger supposed to know that? And they just like they start fighting you about it. It's like, well, this is the first time I've seen you. Hey, listen, I have much respect for people how they want to be called, if they if I know, but if I'm make a mistake because I don't know, you know, I'm just saying, if there's a ding dong at the door, I'm getting called ding dong and ding dong com meaning what do you like about ding dongs? Rachel, I don't eat sugar?

15:20 What do you mean. Are you? Are you ding dongs? Go with your watermelon? Oh? Now here we go. We're gonna we're talking about. I brought watermelon. Let's see. Let me see the watermelon. Why did you get abnormal warm? Like you can't just go and get regular warmelon. You gotta get desire hybrid watermelon Texas things so good? Ah, Okay, I would not be turned on by that at all, So yeah, maybe you should continue it. I gotta get it off.

16:02 It looks like that there's no watermelon, like it's all just the white part. Yeah, she just likes the raw part. I got red one too, but like, I don't know, I got Rachel. You just like the raw part when you're faking your orgasm, have you orgasms? I go forever. That's the as you get older, you can just go on and on and on. And I got this new boyfriend and I was like, I went to the doctor week ago, and I was like, I don't want to kill him. You gotta give me something to like eventually hit the mark otherwise I'm gonna kill this guy. And I did anyway, But I did get the stuff. At the doctor's office, and I thought, hey, faking words, this stuff is called Ebido's stem. It's not a prescription, but it's you know, I think it's all like healthy stuff. It's it's got something in there called like horning something.

16:48 It's everything week. It's everything. Of course Triple Letter agency didn't approve, which means it's probably good for you. Yes, I mean yeah, I mean all sorts of good, good for you stuff this week. So are you saying that eating watermelon while faking an orgasm is not good for you? You can do whatever you want. You stay in your lamb rebel. Let's see what your idea of faking an orgasm with watermelon is. Okay, there we go.

17:29 Why do you sound like a baby. Not only that, but the facial expressions she's making looks like like a Chucky's granddaughter. Yeah, and you're not supposed to go with dice watermelon. You supposed to use the whole watermelon. So here we have two women on the show pretending the fake and orgasm while I in watermelon. And now why men might go to the other side, the dark side. I wouldn't call it dark, Let's call it the colorful side. It's not the dark side, it's the colorful side. Something like that. Yeah, because because right there, that's the reason old men need viagra. Both both of those whatever you guys just did there. That's that's that should be an ad for viagra, because I'll tell you what, I didn't need viagra before this show, but now I do.

18:38 Congratulations. I'm glad to help. So is that a blue screen behind you or a blue pill? That's what you should do? Well, just have a big blue pill behind Yeah, now I can see it's blue. It looked purple before. No, I have purple. I had black, wore black last week. Oh yeah. And in order for faking, you know, faking, iad the blue. Go with the blue. You know, are your nipples? Are your nipples that color? Because you know you're supposed to. I saw honest time, TikTok. You're supposed to match your lipstick with your nipples. So like I was in the store at CBS, had to pull my tit out and everything, does that match? Asking the people that work there, can you help me please?

19:26 I need help? Does this match? Can you imagine going into the store to my makeup and like going into a makeup store, I don't know, I'm Sephora or something. You go into the store and you just whip out your chest. Yeah, that's where that's what it's like. Hanging out with me. I don't know. I need a babysitter. Somebody's next week. Don't do that. Yeah, I should try and see what happens. I want you to try it live on the air. One What No, that costs money? We talked. How much is your group on one? Oh? No discount, no disckund of applied.

20:17 No, not even friends and family. Well fine, then you're not going to get to enjoy what's behind me, which is riot Land. Okay, it's so cool. Riot FET's one of the festivals on the pipe Man Radio tour. Made an announcement today right before a show. I love I have picked a perfect day in time to do a show because they're always doing announcements like right before the show, so I can do like breaking news. You didn't get the time right, Yeah, but you know that's what happens. See people wonder about LA people and call the flaky and idiots and stuff like that, And so I guess it's true. And and you get there and you hit that smog, it like fogs your brain, like literally, there is a ring around LA like ring around the collar. The most environmental state in the country has the worst pollution problems ever but that's air. They have great water because of my bro who passed away back last September, and he was the environmental icon there.

21:29 Now the place is going to ship. So I'm going to ship in a minute, okay for about a week. And it's oh yeah, And it's like my friend tells me, it makes major movements be close to the bathroom. And I haven't had it happen. I'm in the day three. So if I have to run out of here, you guys know what happened. I'm going to. You know what's happening right now that it's not you know why it's not happening because you're full of it. Isn't that crazy? But no, I want to talk about that. Let's set riot Fest aside for a second, and let's talk about your cleanse. And I want every gory detail before you tell us the details. This is what I say. Sometimes we don't want to talk about details, and that's the pipe peeves. This week, I had an argument with somebody last night, Yeah exactly, and they're asking me about something that isn't what it's about. It's about somebody else, and I simply said, it's not my story to tell. And then They kept asking more questions, like during the like there's investigative reporter. I'm like, this person doesn't know you.

22:48 You don't know the end this person? And why do you need to know their business? With details? You're gonna lose me here? Does he want it? Details? Okay? Want you want details? We want details? On the. Ask you about private details. So now I'm asking you about private details. I want to know the innermost details of you doing this toxic cleanse and flushing all that ship out of you. I haven't had this ship, That's what I'm telling you. I haven't. It hasn't come yet. It's gonna come during this show today probably.

23:30 Okay, of the show, you have to turn around with your butt face in the camera so we don't miss it. Okay, noway, Rachel, you're on this other show that's pretty cool called Movie Reviews and More that is on our other station K four HD Radio and also Talk for TV. They should have ran that plan of the apes trailer, just saying why because it's a movie and it's a movie Reviews and More, right, right? Right? Uh? Oh you didn't really Oh wait, you weren't familiar with what your show that you're on about movies. Is about movies.

24:14 Sometimes I'm not right. Sometimes we e's the and more. But you know what, last night we had a pretty good lineup and we. Had Yeah, it was it was. It was fine. Tell us about it so people can see the replay. In. That's why it was. That's what it was about. You were just had a director that was really cool. And I don't know, I don't remember. I didn't even remember being. On it this morning directors actors, Wait a minute, so I have you on my show as a co host, and you have you have I'm here. You have this thing of blacking out during no no, does that happen?

24:54 Is that the benefit of the cleanses? You don't have to look at other people's ship. Okay, let's okay, all right, it's a detox cleanse for your liver. I need that, right, you'll need You'll know. I think you need one for your heart, to be honest, my heart, Yeah, it needs a cleanse, right after all they and now after everything you've been doing for the past months. I think also your orgasm needs a cleanse. Good orgasms. Okay, so tell us about the coast about Okay. It's you want to tell you what's in it, And you make the soup and you gotta eat it for like four days and that's all. You can eat as much as you want. But day two you're like, I don't want done with the soup. It's not his healthy, all organic. It's like beets and carrots and onions and lemon and broccoli and regano and turmeric and bay leaves and a little bit of salt and you bring to boil, reduce it down and then you eat that for a week.

25:56 So first day I was like eating it. I'm a thinking, yeah, my body likes that. My body's going thank you. That's good for it, you know, Like, but I'm not loving. Day two I was like, I don't. Want anymore, and you don't want anywhere, and the only other thing you need is watermelon with salt because you're losing electrolytes because you're pooping so much and I'm not pooping it off whatever. So the other thing you can have are the nuts. You'll know, y'all know my history with nuts. But they can't be salt. Wait one second, salt for electrolytes. That makes no sense. Salt is what the salt the hydrate, But you.

26:37 Lose your electrolytes when you have dialrhea. That's true, which was why you might not want salt because. You replaced your electrolytes. Just google it, all right, don't argue with me. Then you got to get the nuts, the nuts that look like your nuts right there, pipe man. Clothes. Yeah, so you got to get the nuts and that was twenty five dollars at Whole Foods. Oh that's all you can eat? I'm doing? Are they like? Are they like edible nuts? There's no drugs, so it's supposed to fix my liver. But I'll tell you where this is going wrong is at five o'clock every day, I made myself.

27:20 A cocktail, like, yeah, if you're doing a clean boy, isn't in your body while doing cles? You're an idiot? Wait? Why do that? I've been cod worts? Thank you, and then the most loving way because I love you to death. But you're. Okay? Yeah, but how do you? How do you? What's wrong with you? You can't go four days without alcohol? Come on? Sure? Is that what you need? To move out of Texas? Because why is everybody in Texas a drunk? It can't because Texas is I don't get drunk. I don't get drunks. That's probably because I I drink, because that's why I don't get drunk. I don't know if you all know anybody that you don't really get drunk.

28:05 I don't get drunk. I just I am. And it's funny because I can drink. Just over the rebels like, yeah, she's playing check it out? Did I just inform you your a live show? Can you give uh? Can you kind of give your observation of watching all this today? Do you want to know or later? I want? I want to know. I want. I think the audio is fine, the video might be a little distracting. What is distracting you want.

28:47 Rebel? Tell us? What about Rebel is distracting? All the faces that she's making. Yeah, she faces. Very animated? Are you Rebel? Yes? So when you fake your orgasm? How animated is it? I showed you earlier. I just. It looks like you're on that toxic cleanse, to be honest, because it looks like you're going to the bathroom. Here, I can fix that no more than distractions. There it is.

29:27 It's going to the bathroom. So how come when I said you're going to the bathroom, Rachel decided to spread her legs. Do you want that in the compilation video? So let's go back to riot Land. Okay, So yeah, they made an announcement with the lineup at riot Fest. I love this festival. It's always such a cool festival. But they changed the whole thing. You good to your website's really cool riotfest dot org and they show you and let's show some pictures of the two pictures that are rectangular like my background one. They have a daytime riot fests and nighttime riot fest and they call it riot Land. It's now an amusement park.

30:12 Wow, do you want the daytime with the nighttime? Let's let's show the daytime first. That's my background right now. So this is a festival on the Pipe Man Radio tour. Does that look fun as crap? Or what? Rachel? Since you're full of crap? What do you think? I Yeah, Beck is. Gonna be there, Slayer, Fallout Boy, Public Enemy, Rob Zombie, Saint Vincent, Bright Eye, Sublime. Yeah, this looks like a really good show, Doctor Dog. You wan to keep going? Spoon Manchester or Orchestra all over Tree some forty one side rate tell uh.

30:52 Watch Wat's a two week new did I I butchered that one? New Found Glory? Something in corporate Tiara Whack taking Back Sunday, Lamb of God, uh masted on Hot Mulligan Beach Bunny, the High, Yeah it is. You know what? I'm gonna be here all day? Do you really want me to read all this? I mean the New York way? What's wrong with you? Do it? The New York way? It sounds very dealish? Okay? Uh l s Stones, Basement Stakes, tramps, Poison of the we is gonna be their holy ship? I want to go to this. Wow you do Yeah? Clutch rival Sons, Health n O s X No, No, how do you do that one?

31:37 I don't know them. Descendants, Circle Druks, Circle Drugs. I have heard it. Then that's cool. Uh penny Wise the Lawrence arms, face to face buzzcocks like that one. Uh? Lord Jane Grace with cat Bite. Let's see. I just interviewed cat Bite at Punk at Punk Rock Bowling. Yeah. The Dicky's the We're just gonna go dead milkorry about. I got a story about Danny Elfman. I got a story about the Dickies. So did you get through all of them yet. Yeah, are you sure? No one? I think you missed one. You missed Cursive. How about the Hells of Popping Circus? Have you ever checked out the Hells of Popping Circus? That's the coolest shit ever. Okay, they're this circus of doing all this extreme stuff. It's really cool. You gotta check it out. But my eighteenth birthday party was at one of those like storage places where bands back in the day, punk bands and metal bands used to like practice, you know, and so we my birthday party had a bunch of bands there, but the dickies were practicing next door. They came by too, So that was cool, but a newfound glory. I'm friends with the basis they are from here in South Florida, in Margate, Florida. That's gonna be way cool. You didn't

33:07 mention Suicide Tennessee. It's one of the best. So you you mess that up? Wax a hatchie? What was the other one? You couldn't say? Uh something X oh yeah, yeah. What is it? Is? It? Is it? No FX or Oh my god? Say I don't know, Oh my god, it's like one of the most famous punk bands ever. And how do you not know don't you know Fat Mike? Yeah? Do you know Fat Mike? Hello? Do you not recognize the universal? Like?

33:47 Yeah, but people that are just listening, they can't hear that. Okay, sorry, I said now, yeah, no, no. Effects is like they run a lot of the different Spunk festivals and the Exploited one of my favorite bands, and and some of your friends Rebel the Code Defendants. Some of my friends. Yeah. Yeah, because you're from Louisiana, and I'm sure you have playing of friends that are felons and have Code Defendants. I'm surprised we're not, you know, voting for a president from your state. Maybe maybe that's where I should move my campaign to to Louisiana. Yankee Yankees in Louisiana, it'll be like my theme. Oh Sublime, Sublime, Sublime. It's so cool because okay, so the Sun Brandon's son, the original Sublime singer's son, is now in Sublime. Rome is no longer in Sublime. So originally what happened was home he was like one of the best, Like, uh, he's in a tribute Sublime tribute band, so he ended up the singer of Sublime, and it was called Sublime from with Rome for years. Now it's back with Brandon's kid being a singer. He sounds just like him. That's gonna be a color show. Can you do that again for me? Please?

35:23 And Beck Beck's gonna be there. Does anybody know how beck got famous? He was just playing on a street corner in. New York Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I've heard that. Yeah, they just like found them on a street corner in New York City. That's the American dream. What happened to the corner in New York City? My dream? What happened to the American dream? Where you could find me on a street corner faking an orgasm while watching the Planet of the Apes and eat in the watermelon? I think I think we look at what happened to the last person that had a dream, and we don't want to be that person. So I want to be that person. I have a dream.

36:05 I have a dream. You just want to You just don't want the ending of that person. You want to be that person, you just don't. Want like you know, twenty twenty and forward, I feel like the American dream has training to the American nightmare, and like, yeah, which is we lost the. Way for Americans though, think about it. Well, no, no, no, for the rest of the world, because the rest of the world is following our lead. Ye. No, See, here's the problem. And when I say only for Americans, you live in America and you have to fight tooth and nailed to get anywhere. You come from a foreign country, they gonna hand you stuff left and right, even if you're not legal. They'll put you on a bus, get you off a bus on a sanctuary city. I happen to live in a sanctuary city. That's what I was saying. Put you on the bus.

36:51 So you're one of those people. That's why they take your job. I'm a one. I was wondering where you were for all that time. I was doing live stage. And the hell's a pop and circus? What what freak show do you do? That's what I want to know. I guess people will have to check that out. Okay, So, Rebel and Rachel, if you guys teamed up and did your own freak show, tell us what it would be like.

37:31 Freak show. Yeah. All the things that you can eat with tabasco watermelon is find out. I don't know. I can with watermelon. I don't know. I've never done that. Okay, wait, I'm. Gonna I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Hey, Rachel, so you're. You're a chef and you're the whole world to eat tabasco on watermelon. You know, it's one of those things like. It's addictive, right, Like if you put it on one thing, you could. Put it on anything. Well, with watermelon, I would say that heen would probably be better. Well, I love.

38:11 Jehant I got that over there. He's Hispanic, of course, they like. I live in a little town in Mexico called Houston. I mean it used to be. Yeah, Texans are the first terrorists. All of that used to belong to Mexico before the Western expansion. Facts, does it? You have to say rebel when you're asking about a freak show that we would put on? Are you talking more on the lines. Of freak show the television show or freak show like Barnum and Bailey, use. Your imagination, I think you should it should be whatever you I think it should be whatever you girls want it to be. And I want to hear what your dream freak show would be. What would you dream freak show?

39:01 Being my dream freak show have to do with animals involved. Sorry, animals anymore? Right? Left are talking ames? They have evolved more than that. They Okay, here's a question, rebel, what would you rather have an ape from Planet of the Apes or a member of the k k K. I love it. Let's play this game. Okay, what do I have to do with this thing? Because if it's everything, marriage, marriage, kids, everything, No, it has.

39:46 To be human sorry, and is not my thing. Okay, So what what about if it was anal sex? Which one would you pick? What choices? Get my toy? One one? Tell her choices. Again, between an ape from the Planet of the Apes or remember the cake. Ca Yeah, exactly, those are your choices. When was anal sex involved? Right now? You know what, I don't think I'd have to take an orgasm on either one of those.

40:28 Rachel? Do you get orgasms from anal sex? Rachel? Yeah, you do, so you don't even have to fake it. Then, even when it's in the wrong hole, you don't have to fake it. And and it was an ape dressed up as a KKK. Oh Okay, so I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna give you your question, Rachel, would you rather would you rather eat watermelon? Out of you're who ha, my own who ha? Your own hoho ha. That's a dangerous thing. Because sweet stuff should never go there.

41:09 But I don't know if I can eat watermelon out of my own who hat? Or would you rather it be out of rebels? Who ha? That was a no brainer for her. So if you rebel and a watermelon were in some sexual encounter, describe that to Rachel. Okay, yes, dear, Yes, dear. She's already things are escalating. She's already saying she wants you to be the like a hot like a hot.

41:54 It depends on where she means hot sauce. Yeah, hot on it, come on. I would like to know when you have performed filatio. Have you ever used tabasco? No? But it sounds interesting, Although for me it would be interesting for the other person, he might burn. Wait a minute, Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Wait a minute, wait a minute. Did you understand what he asked you? Yeah? Putting the tabasco on the hoohah and then performing filatio? Wait? Okay, So let me tell you why this comes out. Because I'm gonna tell you the truth. Nobody knows this, and so keep it to yourself, please, Okay, how I got taught the birds and the bees. Okay, so tell my father didn't because I don't know. He was too busy banging somebody to tell me. But okay, so two of them, my brothers, told me about the birds and bees. One of those brothers told me about chunky peanut butter, and the other told me about whipped cream. And the whipped cream was the vanilla version, and the chunky peanut butter was the kinky version. And that's how I learned about sex.

43:23 I can only imagine you as a child. It's so confused. I'm confused right now as an experienced sexual adult, and I have no idea. What the hell? Oh oh oh, there was a banana involved. There was there was a banana involved. Can I tell you about the first time I ever got drunk? Rachel would like this. Both these things happened at twelve years old, by the way, Okay, so the first time I got drunk? Yeah? And then okay, so are you ready for this? I was lied to and it changed my life forever because one of my brothers told me he lost his virginia at thirteen. And you know brothers, they're very competitive. So it was my driving force to lose my virginity at thirteen, which I did in the Charles Manson Games. And no, I had to do with a bush because it was back then and so and now bushes scare me. Okay, if I see a bush, I need biagra. Just saying, but okay, So what happened was is lately recently, like literally a couple months ago. I was talkers bro and I was telling this story. He goes, no, I didn't lose my virginity untill seventeen, so I could have saved it a few years. But he lied to me and I had

44:54 to beat him to the punch. So my losing my virginity was about make sure that I was number one. That's where it all started. I always liked to be like the number one salesperson, the number one this I had to be number one in the sibling say that again. The first to get laid in the sibling section. Exactly, Well, you flash, you lost. I was eleven. Okay, See well look at that, and that's why she is the way she is. Okay, see that see how Rachel turned out. Okay, at least I had a banana. At least I had a banana whipped cream and and chunky peanut butter wall chunky peanut butter hurt wand.

45:35 Though the question is what did you do with a banana? Okay? So I tell what I did? Okay. So one brother told me about he stuck a banana up the girls who hot and ate it and then she put chunky peanut butter on his his thingy and and no, his actual thingy, and basically he took it off with her mouth. And where do we find her? I know, right, but that's got a hurt chunky peanut butter like that's gonna that's gonna cause chafing. I'm just saying.

46:16 How these were twelve year old? Now the question is I don't know how old they were. The question is did she requested to be chunky peanut butter or was that the only thing available to them? I didn't get those details. See again, details want. I'm just trying to tell a story, and you need to know every little detail. Come on, you have the details, right, So okay, because that's about a person. So that my other brother, Oh so my other brother had first said I had it backwards. Their brother first said he did and put whipped gream in the huh, and that's like, that's very vanilla. Okay, So that my other brother yeah, my other brothers, like you think that's bad, and that's why he told about the the chunky peanut butter in the banana. Okay. And I can also tell you that my first time in where was it, Amsterdam?

47:11 I think, yeah, my first time in Amsterdam. I was at one of those shows they have in Amsterdam, and my wife volunteered me up on stage with this five hundred pound woman. Well she was my wife at the time. Yeah, yeah, x diusche And so basically she got me up there because this woman was like a five hundred pound ugliest woman you ever saw in my life. And she performed a sex show with me on stage with a banana in Amsterdam. Okay, Well, forget Vegas. What happens in Amsterdam stays in Amsterdam. I also, while I was married, I never would have said this to anybody ever or public or privately, but since she decided to tell my kids, I'll say it on the air. I also experienced a dungeon in Paris the first time going to Paris, and that time that dungeon has given me sexual trauma ever since.

48:23 I am traumatized by what happened because talking about faking an orgasm. Okay, just to wrap things up here, we're down here, we're down there in that dungeon. And this older dude, because I was like thirty at the time, this older dude starts doing this was like an ape, like an ape, like the Planet of the Apes. So my done sex club experience gives me trauma, like I'm in the Planet of the Apes. And I really wish I had some watermelon at the time.

49:09 But I didn't Florida. So with the last thirty seconds, do any of you have a story that can beat that that has to do with orgasms, apes or watermelon? Nope, surely don't. Well, there it is. That's this week's train wreck of the aventions of pipe Man. On no sleep from going to la and I'll be going and leaving here on Monday for Belgium. So I was supposed to do download, but I had family emergency that I couldn't do download. But I'm going to Belgium to do grass Pop, one of the biggest, best festivals in Europe. It's the first time it's been on the Pipe Man Radio Tour. It's the debut. It's gonna be killer. After that, we have Hellfest in France and we have riot Fest come in September.

50:05 I'm gonna go to riot Land. Now from now on. See, here's what's gonna happen. Florida's playing the Stanley Cup. They're already ahead. When they win, they're not gonna say they're going Disneyland. You know. In the Super Bowl, they're like, and you just won the Super Bowl, and now what are you doing? They say, I'm going to Disneyland. Well, hockey players are a little different. Florida Panthers will win the Cup, bring it to the US, take it from Canada, and they're gonna say they're going to riot Land with the pipe Man. So tune in this week every week Wednesday, one pm Eastern Time, and we might be adding some days. So pay attention with more things and more guests, and we got some cool shit going on, So make sure tune in. Check out all the podcasts on iHeartRadio or wherever you listen to podcasts.

50:54 Go to the adventures atpipeman dot com. Check me out on all the socials. Enter to win tickets for their festivals and I'll if you enter a win tickets for festivals. I will give you Rachel's private number for a fake Organs. So thanks for being here with us suffering through this show. And my pipe nuts I feel bad for them too, but one, you're a great pipe nut, so roll it. Thank you for listening to the adventures of Pipemin.

51:36 I'm w for CUI Radio.